Me: “dad am i adopted?”
Dad:no, ur David. why woud anyone name you ‘Adopted’? even if we wanted to, ur name was alredy David when we adopted you
i think we found the opposite of nash greir
today in my psych class we were talking about how teenagers have a sophisticated reward/pleasure center in their brains but they also have limited decision making skills and my teacher was like “so you guys need to listen to your frontal lobe sometime because you can’t just play video games for 16 hours straight and expect to go anywhere in life” and i said “not with that attitude you can’t”
I’m high as shit and just debated in my argument class on why weed should be illegal and I won
|Me when I joined Tumblr:||How do I start using this thing|
|Me now:||How do I stop using this thing|
YOU GUYS CANT EVEN FUCKING WAIT 5 DAYS TO MAKE THIS JOKE JESUS
ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now
these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately
1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u
THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week.